Disappointed by Men

The Friday night Baby Mama, Baby Daddy and I had wasn’t over after the Manther sighting… we had a date with the Governor and his fine culinary friend Lucca. But sadly, all did not end well…

As we were finishing it up at Mix, the three of us spent a bit debating about whether to give up our great corner spot at the lounge and head over to everyone’s favorite Lucca’s, or take our chances on the small plates where we were at. Having never been disappointed by Lucca’s before—and with cheesy polenta on our minds—Baby Mama and I convinced Baby Daddy to head over the eatery on 16th and J Streets. This place serves up a sort of Italian-y/Mediterranean-y mix of food… and it’s just what we needed to soak up some of our drinks if we were going to continue on our record setting night.

I had received an invite from the Governor earlier that day (we’re like this: {fingers crossed}), and he called ahead to make reservations for the four of us. Usually that place can get pretty packed so I recommend calling ahead. After all, everyone wants their chance to take a peek at the Governator. It’s the state’s worst kept secret (other than the fact that they may have a small money problem on their hands) that this is Arnold’s favorite lunch spot. He likes to post up on the back patio, smoke a cigar, and gnaw on some sausage. He says Lucca’s sausage reminds him of the kind he would eat at home. I’ve never had sausage from Austria… But really, when's the last time you heard a foreigner say that something “reminds me of home…” and you didn’t have the urge to shove whatever they were talking about in your mouth? Well, food-wise at least.

When we got to Lucca’s they didn’t seat us in the Governor’s fav patio… and in fact, it turns out the Governor didn’t even show up for our date (how rude!). But that didn’t keep us from enjoying the great outdoors. We got seated on the main patio. This outdoor area is off to the side and covered so it stays nice and cool in the summer, and warm in the winter with all the heat lamps. There’s also a nice outdoor fireplace where you can request to be perched in front of. We all did that for my dad’s birthday one year… in the middle of December. The heat lamps and fireplace made it the perfect temperature, and we got to enjoy the fresh air. It’s kind of the reverse of my other favorite dining experience: Sitting outside in the heat and getting a cold blast from inside.

I don’t remember what we had to drink when we got there, but I’m pretty sure I was trying to pace myself so I went with a Diet Coke. I’m not sure what anyone else had to drink because all I could remember was the food. For better or for worse.

Now, I’ve been to Lucca’s many times and never walked away disappointed. Especially after ordering mine and Baby Mama’s fav Polenta. They serve a huge dish of this cheesy cornmeal mixture as a side, and top it with fresh homemade marinara sauce. Calling it a side dish is deceiving, because it’s definitely enough to count as an entire meal. Baby Mama and I split it this time around. It was so creamy and cheesy tasting, that I imagine they use a whole stick of butter and whole wheel of cheese to make it. They use Fontina, so the cheese doesn’t taste doesn’t bite you… it just makes you want to move it all around the inside of your mouth to ensure that every possible taste bud gets to covered in goodness.

After the polenta and my mouth had a sweet reunion, the main courses were served. Baby Mama and I decided to split the Chicken Saltimbocca, and Baby Daddy went for the steak.

Let’s just rip the Band-Aid off and delve straight into the bad. It’s not that the chicken was bad, just sooooo disappointing for Lucca’s. Everyone raves about this place whenever we go there, so to get served a meal that tasted like Thanksgiving in a cafeteria made me really sad for Lucca’s. Kind of like a mother being disappointed in a child when they don’t do well on a test in a subject they excel at…. or me being disappointed in Kobe for missing a no-look-through-the-legs-behind-the-back-blindfolded-while-handcuffed dunk. It’s like “Come on! I know you can do better!” I know because I’ve tasted better from Lucca’s.

When I read the description of the chicken on the menu, I thought it looked delish: stuffed chicken breast with pancetta, Fontina and sage with mashed potatoes. I had just had a love affair with the Fontina in the polenta, this can’t be much different, right? Well, not really. The chicken was dry and it wasn’t so much “stuffed” as it was “accessorized” with the equivalent of a quarter of a sage life and one shred of cheese. Then, it was topped off with what tasted like the type of gravy you make out of those little packets at the grocery store. Just add water. Oh, it makes me sad just writing about how disappointed I was. Eh tu, Lucca?

Thank goodness Baby Daddy was on this trip. His dish nearly saved the night (he has to be good for something ;) ). He ordered the Grilled Bistro Steak topped with a blue cheese sauce and was served with mashed potatoes and asparagus. The meat was perfectly cooked and the creamy bite of the blue cheese sauce balanced out the meatiness of the slab of cow on his plate (sounds appetizing huh?).

We decided to skip on dessert because we had still had a long night ahead of us. But I didn’t walk away empty-handed. The night’s meal taught me a couple of lessons:

1) Don’t trust men who wear high heels. (Sorry Governor, I don’t take being stood up lightly). You know what they say about short men, Governor? Me either.

2) Don’t order chicken off a restaurant menu. Ever. Come on, there are so many better things to try.

3) Go more places with Baby Daddy….

As we learned later that night-- whether it be ordering the right dishes, or slipping the right guy the right amount of cash—he’s a handy guy to have around. At least one guy was good for something that night.